not getting enough accented dialogue? then i, courtesy to penny arcade, have the cure for you! the speech accent archive, with 306 different language samples. although even i must admit i can find few practical uses for this, it sure is cool.

something cheerful!

update!
see what i've been up to artistically! or not. it's really up to you, i supose.

damn you topher

the good old oregon peaceworks sent me this heads-up in their latest newsletter:

The current agenda of the US federal government is to reinstate the draft in order to staff up for a protracted war on "terrorism." Pending legislation in the House and Senate (twin bills S 89 and HR 163) would time the program so the draft could begin at early as Spring 2005 -- conveniently just after the 2004 presidential election. But the administration is quietly trying to get these bills passed now, so our action is needed immediately.

here's the apparent plan. i don't really think i need to say this is scary, but i will anyway.
this is scary.

so many posts in so short a time, and i'm sorry, but yesterday's penny arcade is of a genius so rare, i felt i must share it with all that i could.

something wicked this way comes, apparently.

if you are a dork like me, and you know you are, you owe it to yourself to look at this, the new (new as of this week) trailer for harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban. aside from one unfortunate line from hermione, which, at least in the context of the trailer, seems painfully stupid and cliche, it looks absolutely delightful. i may not have enjoyed his softcore mexican porn, but i think perhaps alfonso cuarón may redeem himself in my eyes with the recent foray into fantasy filmmaking. we shall see.
oh, and while we're on the subject of harry potter, i discovered something rather interesting in asian art today: when the islamic mongols decided to come down and conquer northern indead, thus introducing islam to the area, the mongol muslims who ruled for many years were known the the mughal dynasty. not to interesting, except that "mughal" is pronounced "muggle." hmm. and yes, holy shit, i'm a looser. go away.

addition: even if you don't care much for video games (and don't lie to yourself), you still owe it to yourself to check this out. it is an amazing example of what japanese people, when combined with the dangerous power of computer animation, are capable of. that it is the intro to a much-anticipated game is really irrelevant. what is relevant is that the video behind that link contains wonders the likes of which few amoung you have ever bourne witness to: samurai skeleton zombies, giant dog-men with double-ended spears, massive walking insectiod fortresses, and a veritable smorgasbord of macabre delights. plus, a ninja/samurai. like i told edwin, it's like they watched my dreams, and then made a movie about them. and like he said, it's good they left out certian stuff. ahem. anyway, go watch it. and if any of you ever get onimusha 3, you should let me play it.

this, combined with shaolin soccer, make shaolin the best martial art EVER. although, it pretty much was already. but still.

if you needed any more proof that i am a sick and depraved individual, read this, and know that i laughed out loud.

i have succumbed, briefly, to the influence of vh1

yes, it's true. i was watching insomniac music theatre, and i say the video for this song. yes, it's just pretty standard poppy grarage rock, ala the white stripes or some such, but fuck it man, this shit is ADDICTIVE, perhaps even moreso that the much-lauded heroin. just this morning (or early afternoon, depending on your perspective) i have listened to it, probably, five or six times. i just can't stop. over and over. also, having the brittany spears music video for her delightful single, "toxic," a few things have been brought to the forefront of my diseased mind: firstly, i know everyone says this about brittany, especially the conservative mothers and so on, but honestly, is this the kind of shit we should be teaching the 10-12 year old girls who are ms. spears' primary audience? acutally, i didn't find it to be particularly arousing, desipte the clearly sensual and, well, slutty nature of the visuals and lyrics i was being presented with. nonetheless, i think brittany is a shitty role model for, well, anyone, except maybe prostitutes, and has irritating catchy music. i think she has a team of scientists who spend hours slaving away in sweat-labs, determining mathamatical formulas to make her music stick in one's head.

update:
given the fact that some, if not many, of us were involved, in some way, with "the hardy boys and the mystery of where babies come from," i felt it only proper that i post a link to something awful's latest comedy goldmine.

now i know what to do if the cops show up when i'm drunk!

be careful! it's everywhere!

so, allison showed me this, which made me happy. happy to live in a world where there are people this stupid. even happier to live in the state where these people live. sure, it may not rain dihydrogen monoxide much around here, but it rains dumbasses all the fucking time.

ok, it's alot funnier if you've seen the almost identical motivational posters in our cafeteria.

like buttered HOTT

feel like some shirtless ethnic guys dancing? i know i do.

as allison so aptly put it, if this caught on it could change america. even MORE people could choose not to exercise their right to vote. the united states in a wonderful country.

not water but fire, ocean of.

ok, so a little bit ago i got back from seeing seabiscuit goes to arabia. or, as the press calls it, hidalgo. staring, of course, viggo mortenson, the Smolderingly Intense. what did i think of this movie? not what my pet name for it might suggest, surprisingly, elaboration:

first off, something i didn't like: the little laughing black kid at the end. aside from the fact that i, in general, hate black people, this kid was just annoying and cheesy enough to cheese me off big time; he was just a little to much cliche for the movie to take, and for a few minutes, it crumpled under his admitedly neligible weight. fortunatly, there was a really cool black guy to make up for the goddamn kid (it should be noted that all the black people in this film were mentioned to be slaves at one time or another. aside from from the goatherder kicking the kid a bit, and some people being lead around in chains, not much was made of this. clearly, this was done to make the slave-owning arabs somewhat more palpable to a "civilized" american audience, but it made me what what exactly the conditions WERE like for slave in that area at that time. nonetheless, back to the acutal film.) but sadly his fate becomes rather transparent the moment he acutally breaks out the skillz which are MAD. it should be noted, however, that men in arabian vests and poofy pants are IMMEDIATLY made badass by this attire. for instance. anyway.
viggo is, as we are all aware, smoldering - in many ways - and this film is no exception. he does a great deal of looking HARD, as well as i-had-to-watch-alot-of-indians-get-killed-for-no-reason-and-it-was-sad-oh-crap-was-it-sad, much like good old tom, in fact. fortunatly, frank hopkins is not quite as keen on just not talking when people ask him questions as nathan algren is, although he just can't resist from time to time. so to sum up, viggo = TOTALLY HARDCORE, and he makes we want to be a cowboy. next!
sadly, imdb - being the festering cesspool that it is - does not have the name of the horse (or horses) that played the titular horse himself, but rest assured that he is a true player, in many senses of the word. this horse, or horses, contributed a great deal to the film. personally, my experience with horses is limited to touching one, once, i think. so actual Horse Behavior is a mystery to me, but if they DO act like this one, i sure as hell want one. instead of simply being a form of transportation with a cool name, much like the interceptor, hidalgo acutally is a character who seems to have opinions of his own. in fact, sometimes it doesn't seem so much that frank is the one who wears the pants. figuratively, of course, as we ALL know horses don't wear pants. i also have to admit that despite being a guy who tended to think of horses as "sleek cows," i've started to gain a little more respect and admiration for these "big dogs" as the native americans apparently called them. mustangs running across the rolling hills? shit yes, baby.
overall? it was pretty good. like the little laughing black kid (who, by the way, i don't not hate becuase he is black), it drops into cliche from time to time, but manages to jump out of it. it some ways, though it reminded me of good old westender; desert angst, and well, desert. only there's a horse in this movie, and no GODDAMN WOLF. FUCK THE WOLF! FUCK HIM! it didn't drag on quite like westender did, but it had a bit of a similar feel - loner badass finds himself in hars enviroment. maybe if brock and co. had been gifted with a hollywood budget, they might have made a movie a bit like this.
so who, i imagine you're asking yourself, would like this film? the ladies that like to drool over viggo, of course, but i imagine they're going to go see it reguardless of what i say. people who like slightly cheesy epics should also go. really, i'd suggest anyone who thinks they can afford it should go: i think it's worth seeing, and it's enjoyable. also, this review would be better if i love the 80s hadn't come one. i appologize. nonetheless, i'll wrap this up now. want a movie to go see, and you've alreayd gone to starsky and hutch? go see hidalgo, cause hellboy isn't out until april 2nd. and in the meantime, check out wrestling legend hulk hogan's album, featuring classics such as "the hulksters in the house." i'm serious. joe was listening to it just a bit ago.
night kids.